Transportation options

There is a simple principle behind how Normals choose a transportation option: which option will cost the most?

It's not about avoiding public transportation, because Normals will drive instead of ride the bus, but will fly instead of drive.

Some Normals will tell you that they choose their transportation options based on the high value of their time, but this falls apart upon closer analysis. When employed, I commute by train, where I can get in an hour of reading or other work; meanwhile, the interstate is clogged with Normals who arrive ten minutes earlier but have spent the last fifty minutes doing nothing but listening to Lite FM.

It's not about pure speed: riding a cab through downtown is slower than biking, the subway, private transport, and often even walking. Gosh, in most systems, the cabbie gets paid to take longer to get you there.

What can you do when traveling with a Normal? You have to share mode of transport, and want to convince the Normal to bike or take the bus, say. Be careful to not present options in terms that the Normal doesn't care about, like health benefits, environmental benefits, time savings, or simple basic fucking sanity. Just tell your Normal pal that your preferred method is what all the rich people do, and that it'll "unfortunately" cost more than it seems. Sorry, you explain, bus passes in this city are $10 a ride, but it's cool, I'll pay for you. You can cover dinner.

Or, I think you should get a bike so we can get around town. I've just got this klunky Schwinn, but I saw this Titanium-plated frame made by Mongolian monks with Campanelle components for only $28,000.

Sadly, it seems few celebrities commute by bicycle, so these strategies may just not work. Normals aren't idiots, and they've seen Brangelina and the like driving those priuses. But they've yet to see them pedalling along Melrose. Further, your normal might not feel exclusive enough on the bus, seeing that *those* people afforded transportation on said bus. I suggest telling them that Obama raffled off tickets to community members, but the rest were only available at a high price. Normals love Obama helping poor people to experience their richness...like the Neighborhood Ball. Tell them that each person riding that bus had to write an essay on what transportation on a bus would mean to them.